A Moving Comedy in Three Acts.

This story is one of misery. Plain and simple. Moving three times in a year is not something I would suggest to anyone. It tells the tale of a cross-country trek from Kansas City, Missouri to Louisville, Kentucky via the Loveliest Village on the Plains; Auburn, Alabama.

A Comedy in Three Acts.

Act I  How to move things from one state to another.

Typically, a person owns more than they can fit in their car. This is why moving is an art form, it's far from a no-brainer. I'm not baking cookies, there aren't directions. And it costs a lot of money. I had two options: Rent a moving truck and pull my car behind - $900, or have a hitch, a towing hitch, installed on my car, a sedan with a towing hitch, and then pull a trailer behind me with all of my stuff in tow - $500. I am now the proud owner of a Mazda 626 with towing capacity. I can pull up to a 20' boat. Apparently, most Mazda owners don't see this as a procedure conducive with owning a sporty sedan. This is why my hitch had to be special ordered. I must have called the dealer ten times on Monday. "No, Mr. Blakely, the hitch is not in yet." This was not happening. I had places to be, people to see. Finally, at 2:30 the hitch arrived and I convinced them to go ahead and install it. Twenty minutes passed and I was there, I wouldn't leave for another six hours. And so I paced. Back and forth. Was I finished packing, no. Was I seated, no. U-haul has no chairs. They've got boxes, every size and shape box imaginable. And bubble wrap, they could fill a house with all that bubble wrap, and then tape the doors and windows shut, 'cause they've got a lot of tape too. But they don't have any chairs. Unbelievable. And I wasn't even wearing comfortable shoes. They could have warned me, "Mr. Blakely, be sure and bring some good sturdy shoes with real arch support, or maybe wear some dirty clothes so you can lay in the floor, 'cause we got no chairs." After a few hours I started taking liberties with the merchandise. I stacked up some boxes in the corner to give my barking puppies a rest. Short lived relief. After a few minutes I felt guilty and put the boxes back.

Act II  When embarking on a long journey rest is important.

Got none. Dad's flight was delayed and I didn't get him from the airport until 12:30. At night. How we got all of my belongings into that little trailer I will never know. What I do know is that it took forever. And I was parked nowhere close to my door. Because the good parking spots were taken, everything had to be carried an additional 30 yards. Insult to injury. Pace for six hours at U-haul, empty handed. Pace for another four hours like a pack mule. And so, at 4:00 in the morning we hopped in the car and left. No rest for the weary.

Act III  This thing pulls like a girl.

If there was ever any doubt that the Mazda 626 was not originally intended to be a towing powerhouse, let those doubts fall away, because she was not. Conventional wisdom says leave towing to trucks. Here is why. Trucks have big engines, my car does not. Breaking 60 mph was an accomplishment. I have never been passed by so many cars in my entire life. Very humbling. Did I mention that God has a sense of humor, because He does. Like an exclamation point to end my days of heat in Kansas City, the U-haul geniuses managed to unhook my car's air-conditioning. Not a big deal at four o'clock in the morning, very big deal around noon. I called Foy Union to find a place that could fix auto air-conditioners in Hopkinsville, Kentucky. Wouldn't you know the old orange and blue came through. One hour and fifty bucks later I was reunited with my old acquaintance, cold air. All told it took about six tanks of gas (normally two) and twenty hours (normally fourteen) to get to Auburn. On arrival, Andy and I struggled to get my(his) bed pulled out. There were few casualties. A broken bowl and an old VCR that had the nerve to fall into my shin. I threw it in the street. Also my pinky toe was splayed open when I kicked a cinder block trying to set up his new(old) bed. (Isn't the Raised-Bed-on-Cinder-Blocks-for-Storage a girl thing?) By three o'clock I was asleep, and at seven o'clock I was awake again. Back in the car and off to Kentucky.